WTF?

Jackass:

Excuse me, but WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? My blog is not the place for you to solocit money from my friends.  Imagine me coming across the following comment :

Majid Ali has left a new comment on your post "Dear Toys R Us:":

Please for Christ sake please help me
I need your help and support to help PAY MY Tuition Fees. I need your only 3 to 5

minutes approximately

What you have to do is
1.go to Google.com and search "**************"
2.then visit my blog from the the search results.
3.Remain on the page i.e ***** for one minute or so and do some random surfing
4. click ONE of the ads that appeals to you from AdChoices and visit there.
5.remain on that page for one minute or so and do some random surfing.
and that's it.

NOTE: Only ONE click is needed.
I will be grateful to you.
May God Bless You.

OK, I get it, MY fucking bills are out of control, I can't pay for shit. There's not even FOOD in MY budget. I have three kids and no fucking money and can't afford to pay my student loan which will be going into default sooner rather than later. HOWEVER, I am not  your fucking bitch. I am not advertising for you to get your ads clicked on to make money. I have news for you! YOU AREN'T GONNA MAKE ANY MONEY THIS WAY ANYWAY, YOU STUPID ASS.  If people were REALLY making money this way, EVERYONE WOULD BE DOING IT!!!! I mean why bother going to work when you can spend all fucking day at the beach, scratching your ass and drinking in the sun while everyone is clicking on stupid ads on your website and zillions of dollars are falling into your pocket?????? Duh. It's a fucking dream. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.

How about some advice? GET A FUCKING JOB. I had one when I was in college, you lazy douche. I'd have one right now if it weren't for the 3 rugrats I have to chase around all day. I mean, it's that simple:  you work, you get some money, you pay for your school. I don't think you realize how easy you have it right now.  I can't just run out and get a job because I have to have someone to take care of my babies. You have to.....what? NOTHING?!??!??!!!! You'll have enough money for gas, tuition and recreational booze/pot.

Fucking loser.

Love,
ME

P.S. I reported you for spam.  You fucking retard.

Chronicles of the Middle Spawn 6

Chronicles of the Middle Spawn 6:

MS seems to think babies like it when he slams his head into their stomachs. It's fascinating to watch.  It seems he thinks he is playing with them, and not trying to make them vomit.

Diary of a BB 4:

Dear Diary:

Ha HA HA! I really have them fooled! It's so nice playing dumb!!

Mommy THINKS I can't read or do math! BUT BOY DO I HAVE HER FOOLED!!!!

I have to be careful though, because I slipped up, and now she may be on to me! I was reading her e-mail she was typing and accidentally asked her why she called me a brat. Then I had to play dumb really quick again and act like I didn't know how I knew what she wrote. It could have happened to anyone really! I mean anyone would be pissed off if their mommy called them a brat, ESPECIALLY if they are a perfect Angel, like I am.

Anyway, Mommy keeps telling me that second grade is going to be super hard, but I'm not worried. As long as I keep playing dumb, she'll be there watching me do my homework and making sure I don't make a mistake. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Moronic First Time Mother:

Dear Moronic First Time Mother:

It is best not to ask for help from someone wrangling three children when all you have is a 1 year old baby.  The reasons for this are as follows:

1.  Immediately, the wrangler of the three children feels resentful of you because you only have one child.
2.  In addition to feeling resentful of you, the wrangler of the three children wants to bash your face in, because you are unable to take care of yourself AND your ONE baby YET you think that MOM OF 3 can take care of her 3, herself AND YOU AND YOURS!
3.  MOM OF 3 also feels incredulous and wonders if she was ever as dumb as you look right now.

I suggest you bring along your mother or a nanny or something to help you get through the day, because quite frankly, I don't have time for this.

Love,
ME

Dear High Maintenance Friend:

Dear High Maintenance Friend:

You are an old bitch, which is why I find it difficult to believe that I have to hold your hand to go to the bathroom. It seems it gets worse with age. 10 years from now, will you be asking me to wipe your ass for you too?

You don't need ME to help you pick out your clothes in the morning or to tell you what to eat for breakfast. You don't need ME to decide when your kids have to go to the doctor, or if you should take them for a walk or go to the zoo. You don't need ME to decide when they should start school or how many pairs of shoes they need to have.

You don't need ME to hold your hand every step of the way through YOUR life. Guess what? NO ONE IS HOLDING MY HAND.

I already have babies to take care of, PLIS a husband, and a mother who is turning into a hermit in her retirement. I don't have the time to take care of YOU too. GROW UP! Or find someone else to take care of you because I AM BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
ME

A Day In the Life:

Let Me Paint You A Picture:

As I type, the baby is crawling under my legs trying to unplug my computer. Alternately he is crying, and standing up and banging on the keyboard.

In the meantime:

BB: MS is being mean to me.

BB:  MS HIT ME.

BB:  I WANT THE CAT. I WANT A CAT THAT'S NOT AFRAID OF ME.

BB hits MS repeatedly.

Sounds of sobbing, screaming, hiccuping, and loud breathing.

BB:  DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? IT ISN'T FUNNY WHEN SOMEONE IS CRYING!

BB hits MS repeatedly on his ass.

BB:  MAAAAAAMAAAA. Mama! MOMMA!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

The sounds of whining.

BB:  I WANT THE CAT. I WANT THE CAT. I WANT THE CAT! STOOOOOOP!! STOP! He's hitting me.

BB: I want the cat.

A stuffed cat goes flying and hits me in the head. MS opens a Spiderman umbrella and starts running through the house with it. BB continues sniveling, sniffing, sobbing and whining.

BB: SHUSH

MS: Ready? READY? Ready? Ready?

BB: SHUSH!

BB: I WANT THE CAT.

BB hits MS repeatedly on the ass, comes over, hugs me and says:

BB:  Could we please get the cat? (TO MS: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET).

BB:  MS threw a shoe at me. I WANT A CAT. I REALLY WANT A CAT. MOMMY YOU PROMISED I WOULD GET A CAT.

Baby Spawn cries, throws his head back and falls off the pile of boxes he was climbing on.

MS: Be my teacher BB!

BB: I'm not playing with you. I'm not being your teacher.

BB: NO ONE EVEN LIKES ME!

MS:  DON'T BE RUDE (throws paper airplane at BB).

BB and MS wrestle all over my bed, punching, kicking, hitting each other and screaming. The bed, newly made, rapidly becomes a disgusting mess, like the rest of my house. Baby Spawn bites me, pulls my hair and head butts me. MS starts throwing my shoes at BB one by one.

BB:  MOMMY MS THREW THIS AT ME. IT HURTS. IT HURTS. IT HURTS. OUCHEEE. OUCHEE. OUCHEEEEEE. OUCHEE.

BB:  I WANT THE CAT. Mommy you are gonna drop Baby Spawn. He's falling please help him! Let him on the bed! MOMMA. MS is throwing stuff!! SOB SOB SOB SNIFFLE. WAAAAAAHHHHH.

BB:  I want the cat.

Baby Spawn starts throwing plastic bags and candles around the room. He starts climbing on the headboard. BB grabs him, he falls on top of her, and they both start screaming.

Dear Middle Spawn:

Dear Middle Spawn:

Thanks for dumping that baby powder all over the living room rug. Even after vaccuuming it up, it still smells so nice.

Love,
Mommy