Dear Fucktard:

Dear Fucktard:

Hi! I really love you, but if you touch my stuff again and forget where you put it, I will serve you your balls on a platter.And while we are at it, let's go through some important household information:

1.  That white thing in the bathroom? That's called a hamper. You put your dirty clothes* in it.
2.  You are not allowed to load the dishwasher EVER AGAIN. Pots and pans with crusted food all over them DO NOT go in the dishwasher**. I don't know how many times I have to tell you. Jackoff.
3.  Black garbage pail = recyclables. White garbage pail = regular garbage. COME ON HOW HARD IS IT??????????
4.  Stuffing things into the closet*** does not = cleaning.

That's all for now.

Until Next Time,
Your Loving Wife

*Please note, "dirty clothes"  DO NOT include the following:
1.  Shirts that you try on in the morning before work, but then decide NOT to wear. Instead of throwing these shirts in the hamper, please rehang them in your closet. Retard.
2.  Nighttime Pull Ups stuck in the boy's PJ bottoms (How about you take off his pants, then his diaper, and throw the diaper in the garbage? Twat)
3.  Crayons left in the kids' pockets (also, chapstick, money, bottle caps, etc.)
FYI - http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_get_crayon_out_of_fabric
2 max amounts (line 3) of concentrated Tide
1 cup Oxiclean
1/2 cup 20 mule team Borax
1 cup Shout liquid
1 cup white vinegar

Took out dried crayon melted onto clothes! I also should note that I used Shout with the brush top as a pretreater, then poured all this into the washer with the clothes! YEAH!

**Just because you are banned from the dishwasher does NOT mean you are banned from washing dishes by hand. So hop to it.
***Why do you think MY closet is your fucking dumping ground? If you want to fucking hide things in a closet, HIDE THEM IN YOUR OWN FUCKING CLOSET. Mine is OFF LIMITS.   Also I have a system for the linens you dickwad!!!!! I saw it on The View. It was GREAT. Store your sheet sets inside a pillowcase (among other things) Here take a look and see for yourself: http://shine.yahoo.com/event/haven/tricks-to-whip-your-linen-closet-into-shape-2394546