Dear Idiot:

Dear Idiot:

You do realize that having you around in the mornings is like having a fourth kid??

It is not normal for an adult to be making faces at me, groping me, or mooning me while I am trying to have a phone conversation AND make my kids breakfast.

Also, when I asked you to grab the salami out of the fridge and you couldn't find it, you ripped apart two other bags of cold cuts like a frustrated 10 year old boy.

AND when you opened the cabinets and went scrounging around for a thermos, you knocked all kinds of sippy cups out of the way.

The kids also LOVED that you let them eat their breakfast tacos in the living room while watching SpongeBob. I LOVED how, like a teenage boy, you just LEFT the breakfast dishes there when you went to go take your shower, AND while I was scrubbing down the kitchen, the baby stood up and threw the leftover eggs all over the living room carpet. Do you have ANY idea how much fun it is to get scrambled eggs out of carpet?

Please grow up before I slap you.

Thanks.

Love,
ME