Dear Baby Spawn:
Great trick today!
How nice that you got so excited that Daddy was leaving the house and you wanted to follow him. You must have forgotten that you are new at going up and down stairs.
It's cute that you wanted to chase him, but you scared the shit out of me when you got your foot caught in the railing and were dangling upside down on the staircase by your ankle.
Jesus Christ one of these days one of you boys is going to give me a fucking heart attack. And in my obituary I want it listed that I would have lived longer had you children not made me fucking insane.
Love you!
Mommy
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