Dear Idiot:

Dear Idiot:

I sincerely apologize for scaring you. It's just that the toaster was on fire.  I wasn't sneaking up on you, I just happened to walk into the kitchen and see that the fucking toaster oven was on fire! I'm surprised you didn't notice, as you were standing right in front of it toasting up a nice sausage and peppers hero with provolone. 

I don't think it was necessary for you to start screaming at ME, however. After all, I saved your life, and the lives of all living in this house.  Apparently, I can no longer trust that you will be responsible enough to care for our children, pets or yourself when the toaster goes on fire before your eyes and you don't get nervous at all. In fact, perhaps you should seek therapy, when the thing that scared you was my "sneaking up on you" and not the ball of flames 4 inches away from you. 

Jackass.

Love,
Me