Dear Littlest Jerk:

Dear Littlest Jerk:

I am just writing to thank you for the latest humiliation in my life, this time caused by you.

It was absolutely fabulous when you crapped all over yourself and I didn't bring a change of clothes since we were only going to be out of the house for 1 hour. Silly me. You are the third child, so I didn't feel the need to run out with 6 changes of clothes, 45 diapers, a pack of wipes, enough food for 16 meals, etc.  I have enough to carry, so I packed light.

The best part was, while I was changing you (on a locker room type bench in front of everyone - thinking I'm a pro and can do this in my sleep*), you peed all over your own face in front of everyone in the waiting room at swimming lessons, truly ensuring that the outfit could not be salvaged**. 

Or maybe the best part was that I had to TAKE OFF MY OWN SHIRT (purple for the West Islip High School Class of 2014***) to dress you in since, I must remind you, I DIDN'T BRING A CHANGE OF CLOTHES FOR YOU!

How nice that I had to rush to soccer practice wearing nothing but a bra under my coat. I'm sure the fathers really appreciated that and thank you from the bottom of their hearts.

Love you!
Your Doting Mother



* I AM a pro. But even pros have bad days here and there.

**Because trust me, if I could have managed to scrub the shit out of your clothes you would have still been wearing it. But no, you had to go and saturate it with your one of your super pees.

*** http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/event.php?eid=182647568436379
(the Class of 2014 of WIHS has created P.S. I Love You Day 2011 to stop the bullying, end depression, and prevent suicide from occuring again in this town)