Do not feel guilty when you deposit birthday checks for the kids and husband into the family bank account and use them to pay bills. Every fucking penny you own goes to the care, feeding and spoiling of this freaking family! Also, YOU never use any money you get for gifts of any kind for yourself EVER. Those go straight into the bank and are used to pay bills or whatever.
Don't feel like a bitch wife when the husband starts complaining that he never gets to spend any of his birthday money. Next time, tell him instead of crying and complaining like a 10 year old boy, go get a second job so we have enough money and THEN you can keep your birthday checks. (AND WHATEVER - what 34 year old man still gets birthday checks????? What's he saving for? College? A new car? WTF? He also thinks he should get a whole new wardrobe every September. Like he's going back to school or something. What is THAT about? I swear he's nuts.)
And don't feel like an asshole when the moms and dads act like you are some kind of jerk for keeping the money. WHERE IS YOUR birthday money, communion money, confirmation money, etc. from when you were a kid? (Hint: It's not in YOUR bank account - hmmmm it must have been spent on the care and feeding of YOU and your sister while you were growing up. It certainly wasn't spent on your college education. The $830 a month student loan bill - THAT YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY - is proof of that).
How quickly they forget what it was like to have your very soul (and every penny you own) sucked out of you by young children.
REMEMBER! No regrets! Don't waste ONE SECOND crying over stealing the kids' money to buy groceries. THEY OWE YOU ANYWAY. Little jerks.
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So true. However, I still feel guilty about stealing the $10 from my 5 year old's christmas card from his Great Grandpa so I could pay for valet at a Billy Joel concert. I just gave him the card later, without the money, and he looked at it like "WTF grandpa...no money?" I was like, shhhhh here's some candy.
ReplyDeleteThat's not as bad as the time when I miscalculated my tax refund and consequently was using my debit card and had no money in the bank. When I went to the bank I realized my mistake and started crying but they didn't feel bad for me. I took all the money out of the kids' piggy banks to cover my "overdraft" fees.
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