Can I PLEASE:

Can I PLEASE work for you!!!!! THIS is my dream job:

SUMMER SHUCKER WANTED Cherry Grove, Fire Island: Busy ocean front restaurant needs someone for our raw bar. Duties include shucking clams and oysters. Must also be able to arrange them on a tray. If you know how to shuck, and can do it reasonably quickly then this is the job for you! This is for weekends and holidays of the summer season. Approx. 24 hrs a week at $10/hr. Note well this is in Cherry Grove on Fire Island. You must take the ferry from Sayville to get here. Please respond with your info to set up an interview. Thank you.

I would just LOVE to spend my summer on Fire Island. I absolutely am GREAT at "arranging" shellfish "on a tray". Everyone always compliments me on my fish platters. Anyone can shuck, but it takes a real fucking talent to place shells on a dish.  Who knew that THIS TALENT would parlay itself into a job. WOW!!!!

JJ

Call me!

 

If the fish thing doesn't work out, my only other option is this:

 

Looking for a sign person to work Tuesdays, Wed, and Fridays 9am-3:30 pm and Sundays 10am-5pm. You must be able to stand for 4-6 hours. Must be reliable and must grab attention of drive by traffic by waving and moving around with the sign. Position pays $9 per hour on the books. Position is weather permitting. Please email name and phone # if interested and I will call you.

I really always wanted to be THAT GUY standing on a street corner holding a sign for hours on end. It's my fucking dream. What a career opportunity! I'm totally qualified because with three kids, I don't sit down all day! Please call me! Thanks!

Love,

ME