A list:

Things My Husband Has That I Don't:

1.  A lunch break. This means he can sit and eat a meal UNINTERRUPTED.  For an ENTIRE half an hour. And no one is harassing him, annoying him, asking him for things, bothering him, or talking to him.

2.  A DAILY Shower.  Can't remember the last shower I took.

3. No Friends.  The only friends he has are the ones I keep in touch with FOR him. And while this seems pathetic and that he must be a lonely fuck, I have to say, HE NEVER HAS TO DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE. While I love, love, LOVE all my friends, he has something I will never have: DOWN TIME. That said, when I do have down time, I don't know what to do with myself because I am so used to running all over the fucking place. I get all jumpy and find it impossible to relax. So what do I do when I find myself with nothing to do? I CALL A FRIEND.

4. The Ability to Lie.  I really don't have this ability. I'm too honest if anything. What a set of balls on the husband though. A great example:  Yesterday he went to the gas station to buy MS a candy bar because MS was good while he was getting his hair cut.  As he is on vacation, he gets to drink beer for breakfast and occasionally wants a cig. But cigs cost $10 a pack, and we are broke. So anyway, he goes to the gas station and comes back with a pack of cigs plus a candy bar and some juice thing. I say "where'd you get money for that" and he comes up with this RIDICULOUS story:  "Oh the guy at the gas station gave it to me. I told him my wife wouldn't give me money for cigarettes and he felt bad for me so he gave them to me".  YEAH OK. I pretty much freaked out and told him "either you tell me the truth right this second, or I punch you in the fucking face when I get the credit card bill".  Now when he complains that I won't let him have a credit card, if you start to feel bad for him, come back and re-read this. I can't wait for the bill to come so I can see how many times he has done this over the course of the billing cycle. But, HAHA!!! One thing I have that my husband does not is a BULLSHIT DETECTOR. Fucking idiot thought he could get one passed me.

5.  A functioning immune system. Yes I am always the one who gets sick. This is because retard spends all of 30 seconds with his children. Also, it is because he spends most of his time drinking beer and watching sports, which is a nice, stress free, relaxing activity for him (even with all the yelling and cursing at the tv). He doesn't have to cook, clean, or do a fucking thing other than go to a job he loves that pays him NOT NEARLY ENOUGH MONEY.  I have to pay the bills with the pathetic paycheck, budget the money, wash the clothes and put them away, do the dishes (and do them twice when he "helps" and washes them. I swear he is fucking retarded), take kids to the doctor, soccer practice, lacrosse practice, baseball camp, swimming lessons, dancing, girl scouts, school, the beach, their friends' houses, etc., and he just sits on the couch and complains that I don't do enough around here. FUCK YOU!