Todd Grey, Super Asshole

Well the Dickbag collection agency called again. I had the lovely pleasure of having the following conversation with Todd Grey, Super Asshole, the man hell bent on harassing the shit out of me, and being an all around giant douchebag.

Todd Grey, Super Asshole (TGSA):  You never got back to me from our last conversation so I am calling back to find out what you decided to do about paying your debt.

Me:  Well, I didn't realize I had to get back to you, because I hung up the phone when you wouldn't listen to me or have a discussion like a normal human being.

TGSA:  I don't recall that.

Me: Let me refresh your memory:  YOU wouldn't stop talking, and YOU wouldn't listen to anything I was saying. YOU were being a jerk, so I hung up on you.

TGSA: Well I was simply explaining what would happen.

Me: OK. I realize what would happen. I'm telling you AGAIN. I have no money in the bank, no house, no job, I have NOTHING. I can't even give you $10 a month. As soon as I am working again, I will arrange a payment schedule. There is nothing, NOTHING I can do as of right now.  I have to charge food on my credit card every week.

TGSA:  Well you have (starts listing all my credit cards) and with a significant down payment we can resolve this right away.

Me: You are not seriously suggesting I borrow money from my credit cards at a higher interest rate than my student loan to pay you are you? Because it isn't happening. And besides, I already TOLD YOU that I need my credit cards to buy food for my 3 kids. I'm not using my credit card to pay you and then I have nothing to feed my family. Get serious.

TGSA:  You have a GEM Bank card with a $75,000 credit limit on it and only a $1,000 balance, you could charge this entire balance on your credit card if you wanted to.

Me: I DO NOT have a credit card with a $75,000 balance. Are you insane?

TGSA:  I'm looking at your credit report right now.

Me: Well then we have a fucking problem, because someone stole my identity. I don't have a credit card with that kind of limit.

----------more arguing ensues before dickbag Todd Grey, Super Asshole realizes he can't read numbers right and that I do not in fact have a credit card with a $75,000 limit.

Me:  Listen, give me a job. I can make harassing phone calls from home; I can be an asshole and call people and harass them -  and then I'll have enough money to pay you.

TGSA: You're doing that right now and anyway we don't hire people who don't pay their student loans.

Me:  Oh right. You're funny.

TGSA:  Well since you are unwilling to discuss a payment schedule...

Me: I can't make a payment. I can pay you $1 a month. If you are lucky.

TGSA: The lawyers will be contacting you.

Me: Great. Have fun with that. Because I have nothing. Oh, and by the way... You're a dick.

Then I hung up.

Time to get my name off our joint bank account I guess. Although there's only $14.50 in there, so Todd Grey, Super Asshole can have that if he wants it.