Dear Animals:

Dear Animals:

Are you FUCKING kidding me? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN??????????? What the fuck is wrong with you little shits that THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS????? You little fucks.

I understand that getting juice is the most important thing on earth to you, but, YOUR 8 MONTH OLD BABY BROTHER WAS IN THE HIGHCHAIR ATTACHED TO THE TABLE when the table flipped over (obviously I took the poor child out before I snapped a picture, as his life was in danger).

Also, as you can see, ON THE TABLE WAS AN IRON. And what you can't see is that there was a can of coke on the table which spilled all over your poor baby brother, who is a sticky mess. Although, thank God he dodged the iron.

Meanwhile, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM????? All I am trying to do is sit here and steam some beets while you and the baby watch Sponge Bob and eat some lunch AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS HAPPEN????? I am at a loss for words. I can't understand how my back is turned for one second checking on my steaming beets and THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. God help me, I need a fucking spa day*.

Go to your fucking room, and stay there til you are 30. I will slip your dinner under the door, you jerk.

From,
Your Mom.

P.S.
You are a jerk. A big one.

*I will be taking my day of relaxation out of your college fund you jerk. And for whatever your college fund doesn't cover, I am thinking of putting a donation button on the blog, so people can donate for my spa treatments.