Dear Baby Spawn:
What's with the crayon eating obsession? They can't possibly taste good. Do you just need something to chew? Cause I have 4,000 teething toys here that you completely ignore.
Stop trying to poison yourself. I think I am on a list at poison control from the time your big brother ate the cat litter (and also from that time when he took both his and big sister's doses of children's Motrin). One more call and they will probably send me to jail.
Is this what you want?
Get it together and stick to eating FOOD.
Thanks!
Love you,
Mommy
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